Monday, February 28, 2011

Underthinking Temple of Doom and an Indiana Jones Movie

Breaking with a little tradition, we decided  to rent all three Indiana Jones last Tuesday to start off trilogy Tuesday. The corollary of that is we had to watch all three movies within the week, to have them in by the return date or suffer the consequences.


"Why, oh why didn't I get "The Notebook" back by 6pm"

 Although the above punishment may seem a little unfair, I wouldn't put it past my local video store. I tell you they seem over officious. To sign up to this video store you require two forms of identification, a letter with your address on it, and a person that doesn't live with you contact details, most countries require less to get a citizenship, the rigmarole you go through to obtain this video card, I suspect that you should be able to use it as a passport.

"I see you have a Video Ezy card, carry on, and enjoy your stay in America"
 Why do they need contact details of someone that doesn't live with you, I mean the simplest explanation is it gives them another person to harass if you don't return your video on time, but maybe it is so if you die that they can recuperate their debts from someone? or are they just using this person as a referee for your video card application?

"I am sorry you can't rent this video your application was declined because Jimbo didn't give a great reference"
 I don't even know I want to be a member of this video store, they have a sign  in their carpark, saying its 10 minutes maximum. I have already discussed my thoughts on how long you require at a video store here. 10 minutes is no way long enough, unless you know what you are getting before you arrive, and if you arrived with a group forget about it, after 10 minutes you might have narrower it down to three genres if you are lucky. If I go to a video store, it takes me 10 minutes to finish my prayer to the video store gods.

"Guide me oh God of the DVD's so I may find a movie worthy of my viewing...."
But I have digressed  completely, when I sat down to write this post, it was going to be my list of questions regarding the worst movie in the Indiana Jones trilogy. (The 4th one was so bad, it has been disqualified from the contest). But it is still a watch able film, so the basic story is that Indiana Jones having successfully abducted a small Chinese boy, and the world's most annoying woman, is dumped in the middle of India, where he steals a rock from a small Indian child.

Likes to pick on woman and small children.

1/. Why did the pilots fly them to the mountains to kill them?

So after the initial chase scene Indy escapes into an aircraft to escape -Good news. Turns out though the plane is owned by the very man he is trying to escape from - Bad news.
So after the plane has flown for about 3 hours the pilots jettison the remaining fuel and then jump out of the plane. Leaving our heroes to face their doom in the Himalayas.


MOUNTAINS OF DEATH
My question is why did they feel the need to fly them to the Mountains, doesn't that just make it a lot harder our pilots to get home.

"Goddamnit Yao, its like a 100 day trek back to Beijing" 
I mean I understand they were trying to kill Indy, but they are dropping him out of the sky from a plane! Surely anywhere they choose would suffice, if anything doing it over mountains increases their chances of survival, because instead of falling 30000 ft, they fall 2000 ft or something.

Schematic of various fall heights.

2/. What the Indians are eating?

So Indy makes it through the mountains and then heads off to the Indian palace where he is greeted as he is a guest and eats with the Maharajah. He is probably thinking oh yeah, I could really go a curry. This is what I think when I think Indian Banquet

Mmmm Delicious
  This is what they are served up.


Delicious Monkey brains
Along with live snakes, served in the carcass of a dead snake. What is going on? I have never been able to order any of these meals at India gate?
Do Indians actually eat this, or is it one of those things where they are just trying to impress the tourists? Oh the Tourists are coming put the curries away get some of those monkey brains they love that.

"Look honey they are eating monkeys"

3/. Why are the Indian kids digging for the stones?


The last thing I don't understand why do they have the kids they captured mining for the remaining stones? Firstly the other ones were stolen from surrounding villages, so presumably the other two are sitting in a shrine some where? Just ask the locals where they are.

"Yeah the other two stones, are just up there"
Secondly if they are buried in the ground, I don't think mining with sledge hammers, and little children are going to help you find them. Have you seen these stones?

Distinctive
One of the kids is liable to smash them stones apart while smashing the rock walls, and even if they do manage to extract them intact from the wall, they will probably discard them with the rest of the rubble, its not like mining for diamonds or gold, where they obviously differ from the surrounding rock.

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