Underthinking Politics and Sport

So last night I stayed up and watched the 2nd Semi-final in the Cricket world cup, between arch-rivals India and Pakistan. Having stayed up to watch the 1st semi the night before and going to work both days, I have had about 8 hours sleep in the last 3 days.

This will be me, in a couple of hours

Now this term rivals and enemies is bandied about a lot during sports. I.e the Australian NZ rivalry in everything. But for Pakistan and India it runs deeper than just a standard sibling rivalry that we have with Big Brother Australia.

Stupid Australia, always making us wear stupid hats, and poking us in the eyes.

For those of you unaware, they used to be one country, until roughly 1933, when the Muslims living in India decided they wanted a piece of land to call their own. Specifically the Mulsims living in the Punjab, North-West Frontier Province (Afghan Province), Kashmir, Sind, and BaluchisTAN regions, hence their snazzy name, the I was added to make pronunciation easier. But the problem is that the India's weren't quite ready to give up the Kashmir.

And I can understand why, it is a beautiful fabric

Kidding, it is Beautiful, no wonder they both want it.

 So it is more like a sibling rivalry between separated conjoined twins when they couldn't decide who would get the Kidney.

"Seriously, I get the Kidney!"

 And its not like they have rudimentary sticks and arrows to fight each other with over this region, both countries are Nuclear powers, so it is one of the worlds powder kegs. So tread carefully.

Although their Uniforms, make you wonder if they are bluffing regarding the nuclear weapons

 So they say you shouldn't mix sport and politics but it seems to be wonderful thing, Nelson Mandela united a country by poisoning a rival sporting nation,

"No one suspects a thing"

 the German and Allied soldiers skivvied off to play football when they were meant to be shooting each other

"Oi you are meant to be shooting each other, what are you doing?"

The Soviets juiced up all their citizens to win Olympics and prove their superiority, because that was cheaper than trying to get to the moon.

Turning Women into men, was easier and cheaper than getting to the moon.

So jovially the other day someone suggested the Indians and Pakistanis put the Kashmir on the line in last nights game, and that would end the dispute. That was a joke but then I got thinking, countries have these emotionally charge series over these meaningless trophies.

Seriously I could buy one of those for like $500

Why not have a series every four years between Pakistan and India, where the winner gets the Kashmir region for those 4 years, I mean its not like they have stability at the moment with all the fighting. And most countries have elections ever 4 years so change of administration wouldn't be that big a deal.
That would amp up the pressure on the Series, and make it the biggest deal in world cricket.

"I won these burnt stumps"

"We just won 186,000 sq km of beautiful mountain region"

"Damn"

 Note the land area I gave excludes the section of the Kashmir that the Chinese lay claim to, so maybe once we get China up to sped on Cricket, then a tri-series could be in order.

Don't worry they are working on it

But until then we just work with the Pakistani- Indian parts, they seem to be the bitterest rivals, the only other one I could think of that comes close is Serbia vs Croatia, especially in Basketball were they used to be World Champions competing together as Yugoslavia. If you are looking for a good watch, get hold of Once Brothers a documentary presented by Vlade Divacs about the tearing apart of friendships within the Yugoslavian Basketball team. Can you think of any other rivalry that run this deep?


  

Underthinking the Last Crusade

Finally managed to complete the Indiana Jones Trilogy, and I just have one question.

Why do they have Indiana Jones teaching an archaeology course?

Seriously this has bothered me since the beginning of "Raiders" when we first see Indiana Jones teaching a course on archaeology. Seriously this man has to be the worst archaeologist on the planet. Here is what archaeology looks like:

Good Archaeological practise

This is what a site looks like after Indy has had his way.

Indiana Jones, excavation of an ancient Church with lots of dynamite.

Now don't get me wrong, he gets results, he has found more artefacts of significance then anyone else. However archaeology is more than just finding the treasures, it is about learning about the ancient cultures that made these artefacts, and if you explode, smash or destroy the site to find treasure this is very hard to do.

"What do you mean, what did the temple look like? I blew it up"

 No scene typifies Indiana's Gung-ho attitude than the entrance to the catacombs to find the 2nd marker. Firstly Indiana deduces that the entrance to the tombs is under the giant X on the marble floor. He carefully finds the edges of this tile to pull it out of the ground presumably, bearing in mind that he is not being chased at this point, so he has no time pressure.

"Hurry up and find the grail, we have dinner reservations"

 But no ever in a rush Indy grabs the nearest blunt object to smash through the ancient marble floor. Now given that clues were left behind to help find these markers, presumably this was designed to lift up to give access to the catacombs, but Indiana had no time for that.

Oh hey it has hinges, probably didn't need to smash it

 But the desecration doesn't end there, once in the catacombs Indiana grabs the nearest skeleton to make a torch so he can see, obviously no time to find his mag-lite.
Seriously the Nazi's , and the people he attempts to stop stealing the cross at the start of the movie take more care in their excavations. Taking the time to set up grids, carefully collating what they have removed.
But we have this demolition man teaching the youth about archaeology, although I imagine the field trips would be fun.

"Go get the Dynamite"

Underthinking Temple of Doom and an Indiana Jones Movie

Breaking with a little tradition, we decided  to rent all three Indiana Jones last Tuesday to start off trilogy Tuesday. The corollary of that is we had to watch all three movies within the week, to have them in by the return date or suffer the consequences.

"Why, oh why didn't I get "The Notebook" back by 6pm"

 Although the above punishment may seem a little unfair, I wouldn't put it past my local video store. I tell you they seem over officious. To sign up to this video store you require two forms of identification, a letter with your address on it, and a person that doesn't live with you contact details, most countries require less to get a citizenship, the rigmarole you go through to obtain this video card, I suspect that you should be able to use it as a passport.

"I see you have a Video Ezy card, carry on, and enjoy your stay in America"

 Why do they need contact details of someone that doesn't live with you, I mean the simplest explanation is it gives them another person to harass if you don't return your video on time, but maybe it is so if you die that they can recuperate their debts from someone? or are they just using this person as a referee for your video card application?

"I am sorry you can't rent this video your application was declined because Jimbo didn't give a great reference"

 I don't even know I want to be a member of this video store, they have a sign  in their carpark, saying its 10 minutes maximum. I have already discussed my thoughts on how long you require at a video store here. 10 minutes is no way long enough, unless you know what you are getting before you arrive, and if you arrived with a group forget about it, after 10 minutes you might have narrower it down to three genres if you are lucky. If I go to a video store, it takes me 10 minutes to finish my prayer to the video store gods.

"Guide me oh God of the DVD's so I may find a movie worthy of my viewing...."

But I have digressed  completely, when I sat down to write this post, it was going to be my list of questions regarding the worst movie in the Indiana Jones trilogy. (The 4th one was so bad, it has been disqualified from the contest). But it is still a watch able film, so the basic story is that Indiana Jones having successfully abducted a small Chinese boy, and the world's most annoying woman, is dumped in the middle of India, where he steals a rock from a small Indian child.

Likes to pick on woman and small children.

1/. Why did the pilots fly them to the mountains to kill them?

So after the initial chase scene Indy escapes into an aircraft to escape -Good news. Turns out though the plane is owned by the very man he is trying to escape from - Bad news.
So after the plane has flown for about 3 hours the pilots jettison the remaining fuel and then jump out of the plane. Leaving our heroes to face their doom in the Himalayas.

MOUNTAINS OF DEATH

My question is why did they feel the need to fly them to the Mountains, doesn't that just make it a lot harder our pilots to get home.

"Goddamnit Yao, its like a 100 day trek back to Beijing" 

I mean I understand they were trying to kill Indy, but they are dropping him out of the sky from a plane! Surely anywhere they choose would suffice, if anything doing it over mountains increases their chances of survival, because instead of falling 30000 ft, they fall 2000 ft or something.

Schematic of various fall heights.

2/. What the Indians are eating?

So Indy makes it through the mountains and then heads off to the Indian palace where he is greeted as he is a guest and eats with the Maharajah. He is probably thinking oh yeah, I could really go a curry. This is what I think when I think Indian Banquet

Mmmm Delicious

  This is what they are served up.

Delicious Monkey brains

Along with live snakes, served in the carcass of a dead snake. What is going on? I have never been able to order any of these meals at India gate?
Do Indians actually eat this, or is it one of those things where they are just trying to impress the tourists? Oh the Tourists are coming put the curries away get some of those monkey brains they love that.

"Look honey they are eating monkeys"

3/. Why are the Indian kids digging for the stones?


The last thing I don't understand why do they have the kids they captured mining for the remaining stones? Firstly the other ones were stolen from surrounding villages, so presumably the other two are sitting in a shrine some where? Just ask the locals where they are.

"Yeah the other two stones, are just up there"

Secondly if they are buried in the ground, I don't think mining with sledge hammers, and little children are going to help you find them. Have you seen these stones?

Distinctive

One of the kids is liable to smash them stones apart while smashing the rock walls, and even if they do manage to extract them intact from the wall, they will probably discard them with the rest of the rubble, its not like mining for diamonds or gold, where they obviously differ from the surrounding rock.

Underthinking Raiders of lost ark

Let me begin, by saying my thoughts are with the people of Christchurch, and I would have written about this event, except as most of you are now aware my posts tend make fun of things, and there is no way I can make fun of such a tragic event. So hopefully I can bring a smile to someone's face, because that's what I do best.

Celebrating my victory at last years "Make someone smile" competition

So last night as part of the Trilogy Tuesday series that is continuing at my flat, we decided to watch Indiana Jones. Wait ,you say Indiana Jones has 4 movies it is not a trilogy.  But much like the other Hanson children when know they exist we just don't acknowledge them.

Not Pictured : Jessica Grace , Avery Laurel , Joshua Mackenzie , and Zoë Genevieve

So last night we watched Raiders of the Lost Ark, the one that started it all. This is a great film one of those that transcends genre as it contains, action, romance, comedy, and horror.

Tell me this isn't scary

I can imagine this film causes a lot of confusion for video store clerks trying to return it to the shelf, or for people coming in to rent it, I reckon it is why more people are using internet sites to rent their videos.

"Screw it I can't find it. Just get a FATSO account"

So from the first film of the series I just have a few questions.

 1/ Why does Indiana's team taste the arrow to see if it is poison?

I am no expert but it would seem to me that the number one rule of suspecting something is poisonous don't put it in your mouth.

"I wonder if this is poisonous?"

Because there are only two outcomes of this test method, it is not poisonous so you don't need to worry about it, or it is poisonous and you are dead. Not in this movie though, the character tastes the arrow and remarks it poison and casually walks away. Either it is the world's worst poison or he has spent years developing an immunity to it.

"Oh yeah I am immune to Iocane Powder"

2/ Who designed the security pedestal ?

In one of the iconic scenes of this movie, Indiana is trying to steal the golden statue at the start of the film.

"Gotcha"

To steal the statue Indy, replaces the statue with a bag of sand he has approximated to weigh the same as the statue. I mean this seems like a good security system especially for Incas, a weight based pedestal. Now the way I would design this security system would have it set at equilibrium with the statue on top, and if it is removed the trigger would rise killing the would be thief.
However the Incas have designed their system so that it sinks, meaning Indy must have overestimated the weight. I want to know why you would design the system to catch heavier weights? You are relying on thieves leaving things to replace what they stolen.

"Oh god, they took the tv, and left a bigger tv"

Presumably if Indy had just taken the statue and not left anything then he would have got away without having to run from a Boulder.


3/ Did all men in the 1930's have a dress in their possession in case they meet a woman?

This one is a wee bit obscure but the main female character Marion, like most main female characters is frequently captured. What is unusual though is that both times the male, has a dress in his possession for her to wear, and also it fits perfectly.

"I hope I meet a lady I have this delightful dress."

I mean admittedly Marion's dress sense is atrocious, so the men are doing her a favour.

"Seriously you are wearing that out tonight, what is that a curtain?"

But do these men just travel round with an array of female clothing in case they happen to find a woman, do they just carry clothes that will fit their ideal woman? Is this an old-fashioned pick up technique? Or is there something else going on?

"Just a delightful number"