Friday, September 20, 2013

Underthinking Melbourne Zoo

Being an unemployed person affords one a lot of spare time, and I think I finished the internet ( I won't spoil it for you, but let's just say Rick Astley plays a very important part), so I needed to find some new activities.

Unfortunately we don't have bunks YET, so there is not much room for activities
One of the reasons Melbourne seemed like a good destination to move to, was the fact it had a Zoo. I figured going midweek would mean we would have the Zoo to ourselves save for some old people, mothers & homeless people seeking shelter in the butterfly enclosure. 

I am going to need more butterflies if I am going to hide overnight.
But turns out I picked the day every school in Victoria decided to do a field trip to the Zoo.There were so many school kids there that when we had lunch, we thought we had accidentally taken a wrong turn and were eating at a school canteen.

Each of the cliques wore a different school uniform.
While I am talking about the lunch you would have thought that people at the Zoo would be able to recognise animals.

Because whatever animal they killed to make these nuggets, it sure as hell wasn't a chicken.
Some of the parental behavior at the Zoo, also left a lot to be desired, more then one parent stood idly by while their small child screamed at small animals (and I mean directly at them). I wasn't expecting them to yell or tell the child off, but maybe just explain to them its quite scary when something larger then you makes a lot of noise for no reason.

"What the hell man!"
My personal favourite parent though, was the lady who decided to dangle her small baby into a deadly animal's cage, and didn't seem to blink an eyelid as the animal within paws reach eyed up the child with great interest. Admittedly this deadly creature was a wombat but still have you seen the claws on those things. 

Artists Rendition of aforementioned event.
While I spent over 6 hours at the Zoo, I was able to walk everywhere, whereas the animals are confined to a much smaller area, so I did wonder what they spend the day doing? The Gorillas seemed to be plotting something evil?
"First I will steal that ladies bag, then I will try and take over the World, Muhahaha"

The other Primates on display were given tools to play with, to keep there minds active....

It's amazing what they can do with simple tools
Other animals seemed upset they weren't given the same tools, despite lacking opposable thumbs..

"Where's MY boom lift?"

I also watched with interest as the Zookeepers cleaned the Elephant cage with great care removing the dung and the uneaten cabbages from the last feeding. They took forever to do this while the Elephants waited impatiently at the gate.

"Come on, Come on, no time to wait for the door to fully open."
My girlfriend said she would be annoyed if a restaurant took that long to let her in, just to do the final dusting, I pointed out she should be grateful the restaurant let her back in if she had shat all over the place last time she was there. But after all that cleaning, I then observed as the Elephants came in and stood on the new cabbages before eating them, I wondered if the Elephants were that bothered, or if perhaps dirt is to Elephants, what salt is to Humans.

And poop water is Elephant salad dressing.

##Disclaimer: While some of the captions and photos imply the Zoo is not taking care of the animals properly, they are intended for humour purposes only. The Zoo is doing a great job and I highly recommend a visit.


  1. hello. my name is Akaelu, Chidiogo Ifunanya, a student of the university of Nigeria, Nsukka. I do love this post and I suggest you visit our school website, and check out our zoology department to get more info on this. thanks.

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