Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Underthinking Tour de France and Drugs

So yesterday a list got leaked that ranked all cyclists that competed in the Tour de France last year based on how likely they were thought to be using drugs to give them an unfair advantage. The scale was ranked from 0 - not likely to ever use drugs to 10 - more likely to be using drugs then eating.

Russell Brand scored a 20
Stating that being on drugs in the Tour de France gives you an unfair advantage is probably looking at it the wrong way though, more like not being on drugs in the Tour de France gives you a disadvantage.

If you are not on drugs in the Tour de France you might as well be riding this bike.
Pretty much every winner of the Tour de France in the last 15 years has either been up to their eyeballs in drugs, some have been caught some have not.

"I swear if you tell anyone your dead!"
And really I don't care, I mean I am pretty sure I would need a lot of drugs to get through 3 weeks of cycling around mountainous regions, and covering almost 4000 km.

"Hey have you got any drugs, I have only gone 20km and I am already tired."
 Just don't lie about it just come out in the open and tell everyone that you are on drugs. And just make it legal to use performance enhancing drugs. That way you can be sure its an even playing field, and would save people having to find someone else's urine to hand into WADA.

"Hey Bro, can you pee in this cup for me? I have race tomorrow"
I mean no one really like peeing in a cup....

"I like peeing in a cup, its tasty"
 Well almost no-one, Bear Grylls being the exception to the rule. If you had all the cyclists juiced up, you could even give a yellow lab coat to the Scientist whose drug fuelled cyclist is currently leading the race.
 
Dr Frank Pennypacker - Current leader in the doping race.
That way you could also appease the people that complain we put athletes on a pedestal and make them heroes, so kids aspire to be like them and neglect their school work. Seeing the winning doping scientist might encourage kids to stick with chemistry.
"When I grow up, I am going to dope the Winner of the Tour de France"

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