Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Underthinking losing your keys

So last week, I lost my keys, well when I say I lost my keys I dropped them under our deck at home so I knew exactly where they were, they were just out of reach.
I am pretty sure my flatmate built the deck for this express purpose, seeing as the gap is large enough for keys to fall through, but small enough a human arm doesn't fit through it.

In fact I found these plans in his draw.
I had come home after a couple of quiet drinks, and had my hands full of keys, cake and computer while trying to open door, and dropped keys, in the dark. As soon as I realised what had happened my head just dropped, and I contemplated my next move.

I looked like this kid, who just got told there will be no ice cream today.
Locking your keys out is the worst feeling in the world especially when you have a glass door in your house. I was stuck outside, but I could see the couch where I was going to sit and eat the aforementioned cake.

So close, yet so far.
It was the worst punishment, my keys were a metre from me, the couch about 4 metres, and I could utilise neither. I now knew how Tantalus felt, the person for who the word Tantalise is derived from, I didn't know if this was particularly fair as I hadn't tried to feed my children to the gods, nor did I steal their ambrosia and nectar.

But only because my Grandma makes a mean ambrosia
Being the nice guy that I am, I decided against waking my flatmates, yeah that's how nice I am. I drove to my parents house, where I contemplated my next move. The next day I managed to retrieve my keys with use of some number 8 wire, and some expert technique, using the small gaps between the boards to view what I was doing.

Those 15 years at medical school finally paid off.
Sadly this is not the first time I have lost keys, and at least this time I knew where to find them. When I was travelling around South America, I befriended an Irishman and a Scotsman and we got an apartment together.

Sometimes I felt like the third wheel you know.
So one evening they decided it was a good idea to give me the keys, well anyway this was all good. Except they feel out of my pocket in the taxi. So again I knew exactly where they were, the only problem is in Buenos Aires there are about 40 taxi companies and they all look the same.

Those three cabs are from different companies.

So there we are locked out of our apartment on a Saturday night, what do we do? This time the door was 3 inch steel, so the odds of breaking in, were not high.

Unfortunately The Hulk had left our travelling group earlier in the week
 The rental agency was closed in the weekends, as was every locksmith in Argentina. So we needed to find some where to sleep for two nights, well actually one night, since on the first night, me and the Irishman just went out to 9 in the morning to save ourselves finding a bed.

This actually makes wonder how many people who are last in the club actually have beds to go to?
 Turns out hostels in Argentina don't have high security as we managed to sleep in the television room of one the second night, pretending we were just staying up late to watch movies. When Monday rolled around I went to the rental agency to get the spare keys, turns out the keys had been lost numerous times before since the spare keys there didn't open our door. So the locksmith had to be found, unfortunately I think they were all partying with us, since everyone was on siesta at 2pm.
At 2pm, no matter what you are doing you have a snooze in BA.
Eventually one was found, and we were back in our apartment, but after two days, we were tired and beat up. Especially the Scotsman who actually got beat up and kicked out of a moving car at 30 Kph. So throw the simple act of losing my keys we had an adventure, but also one of us almost lost our lives. So I wonder why we persist with a way to enter our houses, that is one mistimed handstand, or backflip away from falling of your pocket.

Definitely locked out tonight
Bring on something un-losable I say like retinal scanning or fingerprint identification on your house door.

Goddamnit has anyone seen my eye? I misplaced it again?


  1. Very clever! I put my keys on a D-ring and clip them to a belt loop. Heavy drinking probably would still result in loss.....I'm all for thumbprint scanning. Haven't lost my thumb yet!


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