Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Underthinking breaking my nose

So for those of you unaware, I managed to realign my nose during a social game of ice hockey. Now I play Ice hockey to a reasonably high level, but I normally play in net. This was probably my second game in the field as it were, and I managed to break my face.

Safe areas for Aaron highlighted in Blue.
So with my new found freedom of skating any where I decided to do a little experiment, which is harder my face, or the boards.

Trial #1 Conducted by Ice Scientician JP Bertrand (right), indicates the boards are harder.
All though that is not really a robust, trial, I imagine I need to do three replicates at least to be sure. So I had managed to break my nose, and put some pretty good cuts in my head that required stitches, 6 to be precise.

Apparently that is not enough stitches for them to put a bear on my forehead. (I asked)
So anyway the next day the swelling in the bridge of my nose got to ludicrous levels, and coupled with the fact my eyes went black/blue lead to my teammates/flatmates/random strangers began to ponder outloud whether I or not I was turning into an Avatar (The cat ones, not the last airbender ones that would be racist).

That weird screamy one kept hitting on me.
I went to the Doctor, due in large part to the fact I can't breathe through my nose properly. This is pretty inconvenient, expecially when your mouth is preoccupied eating/drinking/kissing/playing didgeridoo.

Which is pretty gay, since it is my favourite hobby.
But apparently due to the large amount of swelling that occurs they don't look at your nose for 7-10 days after it occurred. So today was the day, I went down to the fractured nose clinic, apparently noses get fractured regularly enough they need their own clinic, as far as I am aware no other fracture gets its own clinic. I think that's why stuck up people are said to have their nose in the air since its more important than the other fractured areas of the body.

I am better than you because my nose has its own clinic.
From the clinic it was decided my nose definitely had a lean to the left, so they juiced me up with drugs, and the Doctor realigned it. Now this isn't an exact science no measuring or anything, she just figures what side its leaning and sort hangs off you nose on the other side, until it clicks back into place, and you can definitely hear it.

Okay, got it son, I am going to drop you and hopefully your weight will pull me back into place.
And now I just have to be careful with it in the next three weeks. I got given some care advice, most was good, the only one that made me wonder, was the advice not to lie on my nose. Who needs to be told that, surely not putting a lot of weight on the broken nose is pretty much a given.

What do you mean it isn't good for my nose?


  1. My nose is the only part of me I'd be happy to break, but yet I've never broken it :(

    I inherited the wretched "Hellyer nose" which is kinda like a Jew nose, but bent to the side. I always figured a nice break would let me get it realigned properly, but no such luck yet. My nose has been bashed, pulled, prodded, smacked and generally battered around, but it's yet to do anything more than hurt and swell. Fingers crossed for my next incident to involve my nose, just like yours :)

  2. Oh, I forgot to add something ....


  3. Ryan, I always was fond of my nose, so a wee bit disappointed to break it. But they managed to re-align it pretty well...

    If you really want to break yours though, perhaps removing the cage would be a good start.

  4. Azz you must be gutted, you are such a handsome looking bloke and this accident will change you appearance forever. I am a Sports Medic and I deal with this kind of thing almost every week, breaks, lacerations/scars etc

    As a professional in this field I can assure you, if you think this permanent change will have a negative effect on you lifestyle you are Underthinking it!

    Two things to keep in mind. First, you will notice the change in your appearance more than anyone, (except for maybe your mum! but i am sure you will always be beautiful to her..) and so other people will never think it as bad as you do.

    Secondly, men are not suppose to be the pretty ones in a relationship! I have often been with a woman who isn't as "attractive" as myself and I can tell you, its not ideal (especially with all them there gays roaming our fair cities.. makes things just downright weird actually when a male would prefer to have sex with you, rather than the girl your with?!) Girls will now actually be more fond of your newly renovated features, seeing you as more rugged and tough looking, more 'masculine' per se.. in turn the women feel more dainty and refined, more 'feminine', and there is possibly nothing a female loves more than feeling feminine. Quote Celine Dion "Man, i feel like a woman"

    AND best of all, you now have a heroic story to woo and wow the ladies with.. revolving around the fast and ferocious sport of Ice Hockey (again masculine).. don't forget to tell the girls how you played "upfront that day, out of position" because the "team needed you" and no matter how "dangerous" you knew it would be you "could not let them down", you had to "take one for the team".. and so on.. being sure at some point to ask them (but not too quickly, a good story holds/captures attention.. is captivating) what sport they play, and/or, if they have ever broken a bone.

    coincidently, if you lost the game that day it may be worth saying you cannot remember the score, concussion will take care of that argument.. adding an "awww" factor and resulting in them wanting to play nurse.. you will just have to get cracking (excuse the pun) on that PhD. ha ha.

    But yes in the mean time no doubt you will have to put up with a serious amount of ribbing from well wishers (myself included is you haven't already guessed).. until the swelling goes down, the stitches come out, and life with your new nose can being.. romantic or otherwise.

    get well soon ae, all the best.

    In it for life.


    Want to keep Underthinking? Try one these.