Friday, March 4, 2011

Underthinking Princess Bride

This may include spoilers - So last Sunday I was watching my favourite movie like I do every 2-3 months, and that movie is "The Princess Bride".

That's right  Duane "The Rock" Johnson the PRINCESS BRIDE.
Straight off the bat I am going to say that title is just awful in terms of marketing to other people, especially guys, it causes a lot of confusion.Most people go Princess Bride, really the Anne Hathaway movie?

This is Princess DIARIES - just an awful film
Once we have established they are thinking about the wrong film, they go well its about a Princess Bride, it can't be very good.

What is it another documentary about Diane Spencer?
 Although one of the central protagonists (Buttercup) is about to marry a Prince (Humperdink) ...

Not this Prince

...that doesn't mean the film is a about a royal wedding, the film is about the central protagonist  (Westley) trying to stop this wedding, so it should be called "The Adventures of Westley" ....actually Princess Bride actually sounds manlier than that.
Incidentally how is Buttercup a Princess, surely she only becomes a Princess once the marriage takes place? She was not born into royalty, although "The Daughter of a landowner Bride" doesn't really roll off the tongue does it?

Better stick with Princess Bride, the audiences are having trouble with the other name.
But that is by the by, despite the fact this is my favourite movies there are still some serious underthinking going on.

1/ "When I was your age television was called books"

The movie begins when a young boy is sick, and his Grandfather calls around to see him and gives him a gift, to which the boy replies rather indignantly "A book". First of all we have all received crappy presents, but its the thought that counts so act grateful.
"Oh WOW, a book, my favourite"
 The Grandfather sensing this disappointment then utters the immortal line.

"When I was your age television was called books"
No it wasn't you senile old man, when you were a youngster, either television didn't exist yet, but books did, so books were called books and television was called nothing.
Television did exist and you kept calling it books while everyone else around you tried to explain to you the difference.

"Okay one more time, this is a book, the big black thing is a television"
If you called television books, what did you call books?

"Ok, sit back I am going to read you this DVD"
2/ Why does Vizzini have a picnic?

Okay, so for those of you that haven't seen the movie, stop reading this go watch the movie and come back. But anyway Humperdinck hires Vizzini to kidnap Buttercup to start a war with the neighbouring country.
Westley (now the Dread Pirate Roberts) chases Vizzini and his men to rescue Buttercup. He first defeats the Spainard (Inigo Montoya) at sword play (which i will look at in point 3).
"I am Inigo and I like to party"
He defeats the Giant (Fezzik) in hand to hand combat.

"I am Fezzik and I like to party"
Then he confronts Vizzini

"I am Vizzini and ONLY I like to party, no one else parties"
He also defeats Vizzini in a battle of wits, but that doesn't bother me, what bothers me, is however that when Westley first arrives to Vizzini he has set up a picnic with his captive.

"Excuse me, we are having a date"
Why did he set up a picnic? He knew his men were fighting Westley, I guess he presumed that they would defeat him, so they could eat after they were finished? But then why did he only put out two glasses?
Maybe he thought he had Buttercup alone so he could make a move on her with a romantic picnic? But he has her tied up, and blindfolded, maybe she is into that you say, maybe but he has her sitting beside him, and the second glass opposite him.
So he must have known Westley was coming, which means he had defeated both his men, so obviously this man was dangerous, so why stop and set up a picnic? Instead of trying to get as far away as possible?

"I sure hope that Murderer gets here soon"

3/ How did Westley get so good?

Okay so Westley is a talented man, but seriously he beat Inigo Montoya at fencing? Westley has only been gone 5 years, and been studying swordplay under a pirate. Inigo Montoya has been using swords since he was a little boy, his father was a sword maker, and been practising for 25 + years one would imagine.

A young Inigo
This gives him plenty of time to learn different styles, and to use both hands to sword fight with. Westley on the other hand, has had 5 years to learn, in that time he may have mastered one or two styles with one hand, but there is no way he is a match for a master like Inigo. Let alone with both hands, that's right he was supposed to me as ambidextrous as Inigo, which I just struggle to believe.

As much as I struggle to believe someone made this ambigram


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