Monday, March 14, 2011

Underthinking Chips and Dip

So in the weekend I went to a party, well actually it was a mini-golf tournament in Palmerston, at the world famous Palmerdice golf resort.
Pretty Strict Dress Code at Palmerdice.
It was the inaugural Pro-Am, and I finished second to the course Pro Darcy Knyvett, who also is the head groundsman so I think perhaps he had an unfair advantage. But I digress, if you are ever in Palmerston (and I do mean actually Palmerston in the South Island, not that pretender up north.) do stop off at this fine course, I highly recommend it, it has a fine bar, and they serve fresh blue cod, served on a bed of sausages.

World Renowned cuisine at Palmerdice.
But I digress I am writing this post was raised by the issue, of us running out of chips when we had only just begun the second bowl of dip, resulting in a chip run. This got me thinking of the eternal struggle one has as a host of a party...

"How much Dip should I make?"
It is a complicated question because you never know the type of Dipper your guests will be, in the ideal world every one would dip each chip with equal depth and come out with an adequate amount on each chip

Optimal Dip
 but this never ever happens and you always end up with too much dip, or too many chips at the end of the night, there are several factors that one has to take into and I will attempt to highlight the main ones.

1/.  The Over/Under Dippers

The Over dipper is the guy that has mistaken his chip for a front end loader, and attempts to get half the dip bowl on one chip. They will try his best to hold the chip with minimum finger usage, to optimise the dip covering area. The height of the dip on their chip will also reach ludicrous proportions, sometimes exceeding the actual height they can fit comfortably into their mouth.

How the overdipper sees their chip
The underdipper on the other hand, will attempt to get as little dip on their chip as possible, with a token waft of their chip over the dip, barely touching it, I am not sure what they are trying to achieve. Are they trying to appease the host, by pretending to want dip?

Mmmm I love dip.
There is I guess also the extreme underdipper, who just eats the chips making no effort at all to obtain dip, perhaps they don't like dip? Perhaps they are too lazy to get it?

Seriously David, I put the dip beside you!
Now if you have a good mix of these people at your party, then it doesn't matter because their dip consumption methods balance each other out. The problem is you don't know how many people of each kind will appear at your party, and inevitable the balance is off. Too many underdippers, you will run out of chips too early, too many overdippers, and the dip will be what runs out first. So maybe next time you host a party, on the RSVP ask what kind of dip consumer they are?

2/. Double Dippers

Well technically these "people" are overdippers, but their methods of overdipping make their effect on the bowl null. They are taking more dip than they should but people are so grossed out by the fact, the person is basically putting his (and they are always men) tongue into the bowl on his second dip, they will no longer be eating the dip.

Seriously Double dippers might as well just get into the dip.
 This is not the ideal situation at a party. So if you do know one of these people will be attending your party, make them their own little bowl of dip so they can use their filthy dipping techniques without disturbing the other guests.

"We have seen you double dipping Father"


3/. Dip consistency

The dip issue is not always a guest issue, sometimes the host has done things that lead to varying dip usage, the first of which is the dip consistency.
One must be very careful when preparing dips to make sure it is dippable dip. Sometimes you get to a party and the host hasn't removed the dip from the fridge early enough, and it is similar in consistency to a brick.

They just won't dip
 and it doesn't matter how hard the chips you have been provided, you end up breaking endless chips in the dip. This will lead to many people forgoing the dip and you will end up with too much.
You can go the other way too, where you end up making the dip far too runny, know you have people trying to dip their dips in soup, and unfortunately a potato chip is not exactly absorbent.
Although this is a primary ingredient, you are not making soup.
This will lead to the same problem, as people will avoid this runny dip, so your chip supply will run low. So please be careful with serving a nice consistent dip.

4/. The Chip dregs.

The last problem, is what to do with the chips at the bottom of the bag, you know "The Fallen", they didn't survive the rigours of chip deliver and now exist only as crumbs at the bottom of a bag. Some people will soldier valiantly on, and attempt to use these chips to dip in the bowl, but inevitable they end up with more dip on their fingers then their chips. Leading to the same problem as the double-dipper, unhygienic. It best to just admit defeat in this situation and open a new bag.


"Look David, those chips are just undippable"
The only way to mitigate this is too buy high quality chips so as to reduce the number of these chips in your bag.

7 comments:

  1. All i can say is that i budgeted 2 average bowls of dip for 3 bags of chips, taking into account variables such as guests tending to turn up bearing food items such as extra bags of chips. no one could have guessed as to the ravenous and regrettfully tight nature of our chip consuming aquaintances.

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  2. Does a more expensive bag of chips actually have a smaller crumb to chip ratio?

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Anon, I am a tightarse

    @Jono, I think you will find that most more expensive chips are made of a higher grade potato therefore maintain there integrity longer. Also they are normally delivered by a team of monks carrying individual bags laid on the shelf (hence the higher cost).
    Whereas cheaper chips are tossed in the back of the truck by a guy called Marv, and tend to get crushed I hope that answers your question.

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